|
|
Thursday, August 7th, 2003
| |
4:46 pm
|
|
| Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
| |
8:52 am
|
i think we got each other sick, so i made tea.
current mood:  exhausted
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, August 1st, 2003
| |
10:30 am - blue skies
|
i spent the morning laying in a tent in my backyard with someone beautiful. its a good day.
current mood:  happy
|
|
(18 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, June 23rd, 2003
| |
5:00 pm - "and in this perfect weather we'll find a place toghether"
|
fate. i believe in it again.
on another note, the new chili peppers cd is very good, some absolutly lovely stuff on it.
current mood: cheerful
|
|
(8 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, June 16th, 2003
| |
4:31 am
|
good things: i got a job. its not the best job, but its a job and thats all that matters. i didn't get kicked out of school, and i want to go to htc next year. i got my permit and i've driven a few times, and done okay. i've been spending a lot of time with my friends, which is lovely, i miss julee though, she needs to come live here instead of ca. this summer i am planning on seeing the start, blue oyster cult, the knack, cyndi lauper, soul asylum and astonaut wife.
bad things: dan dumped me, which hurts like hell, but i'm trying to pretend i'm okay. i just get sick of being everyones second choice. insomnia came back again, but thats no suprise. i haven't gone a day being sober in a while now.
i'm learning to make things better though. i have to get my life toghether before the chance is gone.
current mood: calm
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, May 18th, 2003
| |
12:55 pm
|
She waits all night for him to call
But he won't call anymore
She waits all night to feel his kiss
But always wakes alone
I know I'll never really get inside of you
To make your eyes catch fire
The way they should
-The Cure [Wish album]
current mood:  contemplative
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, April 7th, 2003
| |
12:12 pm
|
|
i just wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented on my last entry [about my mom] i know that most of you don't know what to say to me, and i understand that compleatly. i really appreciate all of you being there for me <3
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 31st, 2003
| |
6:13 pm
|
okay i'm just gonna post this here, so i don't have to explain to everyone. my mom has had cancer since '97 and its just gotten worse. she died on saturday. i guess i just wanted my friends to know.
current mood:  lonely
|
|
(17 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
| |
1:41 am - truth
|
most of the time i come off as obnoxious, mean, uncaring, and some many other things. the truth is that i am so scared. scared of my mom not being around, scared of not having a job, of not finishing high school. scared that i won't get into college. i'm scared of being alone, and i'm scared of not being alone. I'm terrifyed of destroying myself more and of hurting the few people i have left that actually care bout me. i wish i knew how to make things right, but every attempt only seems to fail.
current mood:  okay
|
|
(8 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 17th, 2003
| |
3:35 pm
|
wow so its been a long time since i've posted. lots of stuff has been goin on i guess.
on friday night at a party, i tryed to kill myself. basically i found out that joe was fucking another girl while he was "with" me.. then i confronted him and it ended up with me crying and him walking away. walking away is the only thing hes ever been good at. i don't feel like going into details bout the whole attempt, because if i want you to know, then i've probably already told you what happened. joe wasn't the whole reason behind the breakdown though, lots of other stuff was getting to me.. i'd been having near panic attacks all week.. i'm scared of how bad things could be next year.. the last of my friends are graduating this year, so next year i really will be compleatly alone in this stupid city. and its not as easy as "oh, just go make some new friends" because these people are people that i've been close to since elementry school.
on another note, me and byron broke up, but it doesn't bother me, it just wasn't meant to work out i guess, but i never planned on it being a long term thing. i've been seeing a lot of jason lately, which is very nice.. but it confuses me, because i still have some sort of feelings obviously, but i really don't want to date anyone, or at least anyone male, right now. thats all i'm going to say bout that right now. i met a girl though, shes crazy and lovely and amazing and i have no idea if she likes me, or if she ever could. i just like being around her and stuff, i would like it if something happened between us, but i'm fine with things if nothing like that ever comes out of it.
me and jason went and took photos yesterday, i think i got some really cool ones. its been so nice around here lately.. i love being able to go outside barefoot and not grab a coat. i need to find a job.. i've been jobless since nov now.. i hate it. me and jason are going to WI at the end of this week to see Zwan on friday.. we're seeing Zwan here on thursday. i NEED to find a way to meet Billy Corgan. Speaking of which, Happy Birthday to Billy Corgan. well i guess thats all i can think of to say right now.. maybe i'll post later, or maybe it'll be another month or so till i post again heh.
current mood: cheerful
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Friday, February 14th, 2003
| |
2:36 am
|
racing mind
so anxious to
show you
this lost girl
the same one
that you found
so many
years ago
current mood: excited
|
|
(6 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
| |
5:38 am
|
he scares me. his beauty scares me & all of his silent secrets. the simplicity and innocense. lovely, its lovely. i'm terrified in a beautiful way. i want to give him flowers and protect him and make him happy. i've been having dreams that are very real. they don't make much sense, maybe they would if i gave it more thought. my bones ache for feb.
current mood: good
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, January 10th, 2003
| |
1:05 pm
|
hmm.. haven't posted in quite a while. so me and jason broke up compleatly and forever, lots of drama, but i'm glad its over. i'm now dating a very wonderful guy, Byron. so far its all good and stuff. been working a lot on project neverwhere. i'm excited.. the zwan album comes out the 28th =]. i turned 18 finally.. went and bought cigs on my birthday at like 12:30 am.. it was fun, as i was compleatly wasted hehe. me and jana went to sexworld and fantasy gifts later that night. i got some penis stiring sticks =D great fun. fridays put me in a good mood.
current mood: cheerful
|
|
(12 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, November 10th, 2002
| |
9:44 am - The Cure-The 13th
|
"EVERYONE FEELS GOOD IN THE ROOM" SHE SWINGS
"TWO CHORD COOL IN THE HEAD" SHE SINGS
"A-BUZZ A-BUZZ A-BUZZING LIKE THEM KILLER BEES... "
TELL ME THIS IS NOT FOR REAL
PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT FOR REAL...
FROM TIME TO TIME HER EYES GET WIDE
AND SHE'S ALWAYS GOT THEM STUCK ON ME
I'M SURPRISED AT HOW HOT HONEY-COLOURED AND HUNGRY SHE LOOKS
AND I HAVE TO TURN AWAY TO KEEP FROM BURSTING
YEAH I FEEL THAT GOOD!
SHE SLIPS FROM THE STAGE
A FOOT NO MORE
BUT IT SEEMS TO TAKE AN HOUR FOR HER TO REACH THE FLOOR
AND THE TWO CHORD COOL STILL GROOVES
AS SHE SLIDES TOWARDS ME SMOOTH AS A SNAKE
I CAN'T SWALLOW I JUST START TO SHAKE
AND I JUST KNOW THIS IS A BIG MISTAKE
YEAH BUT IT FEELS GOOD!
DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME!
DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME!
"IF YOU WANT I CAN TAKE YOU ON ANOTHER KIND OF RIDE... "
"BELIEVE ME I WOULD BUT... "
DEEP INSIDE THE 'BUT' IS 'PLEASE'
I AM YEARNING FOR ANOTHER TASTE
AND MY SHAKING IS 'YES'
"YOU WILL BE ALL THE THINGS IN THE WORLD YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
SEE ALL THE THINGS IN THE WORLD YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
DREAM ALL THE THINGS IN THE WORLD YOU'VE NEVER DREAMED... "
BUT I THINK I GET A BIT CONFUSED...
AM I SEDUCING OR BEING SEDUCED?
OH I KNOW THAT TOMORROW I'LL FEEL BAD
BUT I REALLY COULDN'T CARE ABOUT THAT
SHE'S GRINNING SINGING SPINNING ME ROUND AND ROUND
SMILING AS I START TO FALL
HER FACE GETS BIG HER FACE GETS SMALL
IT'S LIKE TONIGHT I'M REALLY NOT ME AT ALL
AND IT FEELS GOOD!
DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME!
DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME! DO IT TO ME!
IT FEELS GOOD!
current mood: thoughtful
|
|
(6 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, September 30th, 2002
| |
2:00 am - jello girl
|
theres just something that makes my head spin. i feel like exploding..
on the other hand..
the tears just fall..
current mood:  confused
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
| |
4:33 am - *girl turned machine*
|
girl shell
empty
out of love
out of thoughts
out of time
she used up all the
love she had to give
her thoughts all died
she wasted her time
girl turned machine
nothing left
current mood: lonely
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, September 9th, 2002
| |
5:06 am - Vincent by Tim Burton
|
Vincent Malloy is seven years old,
He's always polite and does what he's told.
For a boy his age he's considerate and nice,
But he wants to be just like Vincent Price.
He doesn't min d living with his sister, dog and cat,
Though he'd rather share a home with spiders and bats.
There he could reflect on the horrors he's invented,
And wander dark hallways alone and tormented.
Vinc ent is nice when his aunt comes to see him,
But imagines dipping her in wax for his wax museum.
He likes to experiment on his dog Abacrombie,
In the hopes of creating a horrible zombie.
So he and h is horrible zombie dog,
Could go searching for victims in the London fog.
His thoughts aren't only of ghoulish crime,
He likes to paint and read to pass the time.
While other kids read books like G o Jane Go,
Vincent's favorite author is Edgar Allen Poe.
One night while reading a gruesome tale,
He read a passage that made him turn pale.
Such horrible news he could not survive,
For his beautiful wife had been buried alive.
He dug out her grave to make sure she was dead,
Unaware that her grave was his mother's flower bed.
His mother sent Vincent off to his room,
He knew he'd been banished to the tower of doom.
Where he was sentenced to spend the rest of his life,
Alone with a portrait of his beautiful wife.
While alone and insane, encased in his tomb,
Vincent's mothe r suddenly burst into the room.
"If you want to you can go outside and play.
It's sunny outside and a beautiful day."
Vincent tried to talk, but he just couldn't speak,
The years of isolation had made him quite weak.
So he took out some paper, and scrawled with a pen,
"I am possessed by this house, and can never leave it again."
His mother said, "You're not possessed, and you're not almost dead.
These games that you play are all in your head.
You're not Vincent Price, you're Vincent Malloy.
You're not tormented, you're just a young boy."
"You're seven years old, and you're my son,
I w ant you to get outside and have some real fun."
Her anger now spent, she walked out through the hall,
While Vincent backed slowly against the wall.
The room started to sway, to shiver and creak.
Hi s horrid insanity had reached its peak.
He saw Abacrombie his zombie slave,
And heard his wife call from beyond the grave.
She spoke from her coffin, and made ghoulish demands.
While through cracking walls reached skeleton hands.
Every horror in his life that had crept through his dreams,
Swept his mad laugh to terrified screams.
To escape the madness, he reached for the door,
So he and his horrible zombie dog,
But fell limp and lifeless down on the floor.
His voice was soft and very slow,
As he quoted The Raven from Edgar Allen Poe,
"And my soul from out that shadow floating on the floor,
Shall be lifted--Nevermore!"
current mood:  awake
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
4:19 am
|
frat partys are no good. people who tell you that you are annoying when you cryed your eyes out to them are horrible. i feel sick. will someone please make this all better?
current mood:  sick
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Friday, August 30th, 2002
| |
6:53 am
|
went to the state fair on wed. all we did is go on rides. i'm all sore from the rides, cuz they are all made for fat people. me and matt found the tunnels under the high school. we went in them yesterday wtih flashlights and a camera. we didn't go too far in them cuz there was construction people/janitors all over. but we did get pics, so when i find the cord for my digi cam i will put some up or something.
current mood: sore
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| |
6:50 am - hopefully this works
|
this is me in june when i dyed my hair red.
current mood: thirsty
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
pinkhairball's journal